Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss without Losing Your Humanity

Table of contents

1. Chapter 1: Build Radically Candid Relationships
2. Chapter 2: Get, Give, And Encourage Guidance
3. Chapter 3: Understand What Motivates Each Person on your Team
4. Chapter 4: Drive Results Collaboratively
5. Chapter 5: Relationships
6. Chapter 6: Guidance
7. Chapter 7: Team
8. Chapter 8: Results

Chapter 1: Build Radically Candid Relationships

We undervalue the “emotional labor” of being the boss” (4)

Bosses guide a team to achieve results.

Three areas of responsibility for a boss:

1. guidance - often referred to as feedback
2. team-building - ensure you have a team of rockstars and superstars
3. results - teams getting things done

Radical Candor Matrix:

There are two dimensions to Radical Candor:

1. Care Personally:

To have a good relationship, you have to be your whole self and care about each of the people who work for you as a human being. It’s not just business; it is personal, and deeply personal. (9)

There are a few things more damaging to human relationships than a sense of superiority. (12)

Only when you actually care about the whole person with your whole self can you build a relationship. (13)

1. Challenge Directly:

[…] delivering hard feedback, making hard calls about who does what on a team, and holding a high bar for results (9)

You don’t need to say every unimportant thing: a good rule of thumb is to leave three unimportant things unsaid each day (16)

[Radical Candor] gets measured at the listener’s ear, not at the speaker’s mouth. (16)

Chapter 2: Get, Give, And Encourage Guidance

There are two dimensions to good guidance: care personally and challenge directly.

Obnoxious Aggression

If you criticize someone without showing you care, it feels obnoxiously aggressive to the recipient. If you can’t be radically candid with someone, you can at least be obnoxiously aggressive, so at least people know where you stand. Most people prefer the challenging “jerk” to the boss whose “niceness” gets in the way of candor.

It’s not mean, it’s clear! (25)

• front-stabbing - belittling in public.
• belittling compliments - praise that is belittling

Manipulative Insincerity

What happens when you don’t care enough about a person to challenge directly. Normally results in empty praise and ignoring of problems, or even praise of problems.

• false apology - agreeing with a person just to remove tension

Ruinous Empathy

Responsible for the vast majority of managerial mistakes. An effort to avoid tension and discomfort.

• just trying to say something nice - trying to find an excuse to give praise when praise might need to be distributed or might not be merited.

when giving praise, investigate until you really understand who did what and why it was so great. Be as specific and thorough with praise as with criticism. Go deep into the details. (33)

If a person is bold enough to criticize you, do not critique their criticism. If you see somebody criticize a peer inappropriately, say something. But if somebody criticizes you inappropriately, it’s your job is to listen with the intent to understand and then reward the candor. (34)

Balance praise and criticism – worry more about praise, less about criticism, but above all be sincere.

Chapter 3: Understand What Motivates Each Person on your Team

Teams are made up of rockstars and superstars. Rockstars want to excel in their niche while superstars need new challenges and opportunities to grow constantly.

steep growth trajectory	gradual growth trajectory
change agent	force for stability
ambitious at work	ambitious outside of work or simply content in life
want new opportunities	happy in the current role
“superstar”	“rockstar”

shift from talent management to growth management, with “growth” substituting for “potential”, as “low potential” demonizes the rockstars who are essential for stability.

The most important thing you can do for your team collectively is to understand what growth trajectory each person wants to be on at a given time and whether that matches the needs and opportunities of the team. (48)

Growth Trajectory:

The idea of getting people who are “passionate” for their jobs is misguided, as people are motivated for different reasons.

[…] your job is not to provide purpose but instead to get to know each of your direct reports well enough to understand how each on derives meaning from their work. (51)

Excellent Performance

You should keep your top performers top of mind, and spend the majority of time making sure they continue to do good work. You want to be a “partner”, to make sure people doing the best work can overcome obstacles. You need to understand the details of their work, to roll up the sleeves.

excellent performance/gradual growth trajectory

• recognize, reward, but don’t promote. fair performance ratings - sometimes rockstars don’t get the performance ratings they deserve, so ensure that this isn’t the case recognition - designate as “gurus” or “go-to” experts respect - retain individuals who keep team stable, cohesive, and productive

“up or out” policy harmful for these individuals

excellent performance/steep growth trajectory

keep superstars challenged (and figure out who will replace them when they move on), don’t squash or block them, and recognize that not every superstar wants to manage.

Poor Performance

poor performance/negative growth trajectory

For these individuals, you should part ways. Managers typically wait too long to fire someone, so you can ask three questions to determine if the time is right to fire someone:

1. Have you given Radically Candid guidance? - have you been humble and direct in your criticism?
2. How is this person’s poor performance affecting the rest of the team? - does it affect peers?
3. Have you sought out a second opinion, spoken to someone whom you trust and with whom you can talk the problem through? - seek a different perspective

Common lies managers tell themselves to avoid firing someone

1. It will get better
2. Somebody is better than nobody
3. A transfer is the answer
4. It’s bad for morale

When firing someone, it might help to recall a job you were not well suited for and the relief you experienced when you no longer had to do that job.

poor performance/steep growth trajectory

There are a few reasons someone might not be suited for a role but might still be an asset:

• wrong role
• new to role: too much, too fast
• personal problems (outside of work)
• poor fit

Important to understand some might switch from rockstar to superstar and back again, so one label isn’t forever.

Chapter 4: Drive Results Collaboratively

Get Stuff Done (GSD) wheel:

Listen

Ensure that everyone is heard; give the quiet ones a voice.

quiet listening - not giving your opinion vehemently; comfortable with the silences loud listening - put a strong view on things but insist on a response; “strong opinions, weakly held”

You want to create a culture of listening:

1. have a simple system for employees to use to generate ideas and voice complaints
2. make sure that at least some of the issues raised are quickly addressed
3. regularly offer explanations as you why other issues aren’t being addressed

Clarify

As the boss, you are the editor, not the author. (89)

Push to understand and convey thoughts and ideas more clearly. It’s important to be clear in your own mind before you can explain to others, and that might involve nurturing ideas in a smaller 1:1 environment.

Debate

The point of spending all the time in clarifying mode is to get an idea ready for debate (the rock tumbler of ideas). You need to ensure there is a culture of debate on the team.

Keep the conversation focused on ideas, not egos. Egos have a way of corrupting ideas and argument, twisting it to ad hominem.

Also, important for folks to dissent, not just all agree.

Use humor and have fun.

Set a clear “decide-by” date. to prevent argument from dragging out.

Decide

Typically, as boss you are not the “decider”. The decider should be the one with the best information, not the highest paid person’s opinion’ (HiPPO). You want to empower people who are closest to the facts to make as many decisions as possible.

Decider should get facts, not recommendations (which tend to be imbued with ego)

Important to go to source of information and not have that info filtered through several managers (the person doing the job)

Persuade

You can use Aristotle’s ideas of persuasion in Rhetoric:

1. pathos (emotion) - the listener’s emotions, not the speakers
2. logos (logic) - demonstrate expertise and humility
3. ethos (credibility) - show your work

Execute

• minimize the collaboration tax
• don’t waste your team’s time - make sure you clear obstacles for team’s time
• keep the “dirt under your fingernails” - integrate executing directly into your daily work so you stay sharp

Learn

You need to learn from your previous actions, either as successes or failures.

denial is actually the more common reaction to imperfect execution than learning. (108)

Chapter 5: Relationships

You can’t give a damn about others if you don’t take care of yourself. (115)

Don’t think of work-life balance, as some kind of zero-sum game where anything you put into your work robs your life and anything you put into your life robs your work. Instead, think of it as a work-life integration.

One of the most important aspects is relinquishing unilateral authority so you can build trusting relationships. This isn’t abdication or anarchy, but rather, building a relationship based on trust so people feel free at work.

When organizing a social event, even non-mandatory events can feel mandatory.

You need to respect other people’s values when they do share them with you. (122)

Exercise the platinum rule, which says that you should figure out what makes the other person comfortable and do that.

Recognize your own emotions and be open and honest about them (“I’m having a bad day, and I’m trying not to be grouchy but I apologize if I slip”)

• Acknowledge emotions
• Ask questions
• Don’t add your guilt
• Don’t tell them how to feel
• If you can’t handle emotional outbursts, excuse yourself
• Keep tissues a short walk away (allows them to compose themselves)
• Have bottled water (the simple act of unscrewing the bottle and drinking, often gives enough time to regain composure)
• Walk, don’t sit — walking in the same direction helps with difficult situations

Chapter 6: Guidance

In order to build a culture of radical candor you need to get, give, and encourage both praise and criticism.

Solicit Impromptu Guidance

You as the boss are the exception to the criticize in private adage. You should encourage teams to criticize in public, which leads to the message that “everyone should embrace criticism that helps us do our jobs better”. Don’t fear public challenges as a challenge to your authority – in fact, it helps establish credibility.

A helpful question might be “What could I do or stop doing that would make it easier to work with me”

Embrace the discomfort, and listen with the intent to understand, not to respond. You can try saying “So What I hear you saying is…”

Reward criticism to get more of it.

Employees won’t feel free if you don’t take specific actions to ensure that its not just safe but expected to make suggestions and complaints. (135)

Management fix it weeks, might work like bug bashes but for management tickets (a board, voting on solutions, etc.)

Give Impromptu Guidance

Be humble – a helpful paradigm can be the situation, behavior, impact. Outline a situation, describe the behavior, good or bad, and identify the impact. e.g., “I’ve been waiting for that spot for five minutes (situation) and you just zipped in front of me (behavior) and now I’m going to be late (impact).

Separate what you think from what you said, and see if what you thought impinged on what you said.

• Ontological Humility - separate subjective experience from objective reality
• be helpful
• state intentions to lower defenses
• show, don’t tell
• finding help is better than offering it yourself
• guidance is a gift, not a whip or a carrot

Additionally, you should try and give feedback immediately, before it is lost in the haze of time when you might forget the situation or behavior. If you can, say it in person (perhaps between meetings). Don’t save it up for performance reviews, or for the perfect opportunity.

Praise in public, criticize in private. (145)

Don’t personalize your criticism, don’t use the “fundamental attribution error” - he is dumb therefore his idea is dumb. You might swap “you’re wrong” with “that’s wrong”.

Being Radically Candid with your boss

Can use the paradigm of Listen, Challenge, Commit to voice disagreement, then pivot to executing if your boss doesn’t change their mind. A strong leader has the humility to listen, the confidence to challenge, and the wisdom to know when to quit arguing and get on board.

Slowly introduce the concept of radical candor, and if your boss doesn’t seem receptive to it after a few efforts, it might be time to find a new job.

Gender and Guidance

Might be harder for men managing women, as there is a punches pulled effect. Gender politics might also get in the way of honest and open communication.

Radical candor might be harder for women; might be construed as ‘abrasive’ or ‘shrill’, or as a ‘likeability’ concern.

For men, don’t pull punches.

For women, demand criticism.

For men and women, when you think a women is being ‘too aggressive’:

• switch gender roles
• be more specific
• don’t use gendered language
• never just say ‘be more likeable’

If you are a women who is told you are abrasive:

• never stop challenging directly (often, women back off, which harms their careers)
• care personally, but kill the “angel in the office” (paving over the gap with doing office chores”)
• the competence/likeability has not concluded that you weren’t out of line
• don’t kick up and kiss down
• don’t write men off

Skip level meetings are a good way to understand how your direct reports are managing. You set up a meeting with your direct reports direct reports to understand how they might be managing, to solicit honest feedback.

Chapter 7: Team

This chapter is all about creating a team where everyone loves their job and loves working together. You can build a team like that if you have career conversations with each of the people on your team, create growth-management plans for each person who works for you once a year, hire the right people, fire the appropriate people, promote the right people, and reward the people who are doing great work but who shouldn’t be promoted, and offer yourself as a partner to your direct reports.

Career Conversations

When rolling out radical candor to your teams, this is the very first thing you should do. It’s your job to understand people’s motivations and ambitions to help them take a step in the direction of their dreams. This all boils down to giving a damn, and companies can’t give a damn about people – only bosses can.

Conversation One: Life Story

• Learn what motivates them. Starting from Kindergarten, have them tell you about their life, then focus on moments of change. Values are often revealed in moments of change. Pull out what you see as their motivators and ask them to affirm your understanding.
• There may be times when you touch on something too personal. It’s okay to drop it if they seem uncomfortable.

Conversation Two: Dreams

• What do they want to achieve at the apex of their career? How do they imagine life at its best?

Conversation Three: Eighteen-month plan

• Guide them, don’t do it for them. Here are some questions they can ask themselves: What do I need to learn in order to move in the direction of my dreams? How should I prioritize the things I need to learn? Whom can I learn from?
• Once you get to the bottom of it all, make a list of how the person’s role can change to help them learn the skills needed to achieve each dream; whom they can learn from; and classes they could take or books they could read. Then, next to each item, note who does what by when – and make sure you have some action items.

Growth Management.

Figure out who needs what opportunities, and how you’re going to provide them. Make sure you understand how each person’s aspirations are lining up with the needs of the team, and help them come up with a growth-management plan for each person. Growth Management Plans

• Three to five bullet points – don’t spend more than fifteen minutes on these. You should know them well enough by now to do this quickly.

Hiring

You’re building a team that needs a good balance of rock stars and superstars. Don’t forget that when hiring. Process

• Job description: define team “fit” as rigorously as you define “skills” to minimize bias o Blind skills assessments can also minimize bias.
• Use the same interview committee for multiple candidates, to allow for meaningful comparisons. Usually composed of about four people.
• Casual interviews reveal more about team fit than formal ones. In unguarded moments, candidates will do or say revealing things.
• Jot down your thoughts right away.
• In person debrief/decision – don’t make an offer if you’re not dying to hire them

Firing

Firing people is never easy, but sometimes it’s very necessary.

• Don’t wait too long. This is the only way to be fair to the person who’s failing, yourself, the company, and especially to the people who are performing really well.
• Don’t make the decision unilaterally. Avoid making decisions out of anger or frustration. Getting outside input can help prevent this.
• Give a damn. Fire people with humility. Remember that the reason your firing them is not because they suck, it’s because the job you gave them sucks for them.
• Follow up. Email people about a month later to check in. You may never hear back, and that’s okay.

Reward your rock stars

• Avoid promotion/status obsession. Praise the things you want more of in creative ways. Good work should not always be rewarded with a new management role, especially for rock stars.
• Gurus. If you have someone with a niche area of expertise, allow them to be the go-to person for this area. You might even allow them to spend work hours developing a class.
• Public presentations. This is an easy way to help people feel seen and heard, while allowing them to explain the work they do to their colleagues.

Management is a partnership

Chapter 8: Results

This all sounds like a ton of work, but the idea is to create a culture where people communicate with each other, and problems solve themselves. This frees up time and energy for you to focus on your team getting great results!

How to Operationalize the GSD Wheel

1:1 Conversations

Employees set the agenda, you listen and help them clarify. These meetings give perspective on what’s working and what’s not working, and allows you to get to know your direct reports better. Listen and clarify to understand what direction each person working for you wants to head in, and what is blocking them.

Tips for 1:1s

• Mind-set Quit thinking of them as meetings, and more as lunch or coffee to get to know someone better.
• Frequency This depends on how many direct reports you have. The goal is to meet with each for fifty minutes each week. If you have more than five direct reports, you may need to have 1:1s for twenty-five minutes every other week. If you have too many direct reports, start thinking of ways to give leadership opportunities.
• Show up! You’re only going to have seven or eight of these per quarter, so DO NOT CANCEL.
• Your direct report’s agenda, not yours This way, you are listening to what matters to them. Set some basic expectations for how they deliver the agenda – night before, written out, or not written out at all. (Realistically, will you look at it if you have them send it to you the day before?)
• Ask good follow-up questions Show that you’re really interested, but don’t become a micromanager.
• Encourage new ideas in the 1:1 New ideas are fragile, so invite these ideas so you might help them clarify their thinking and understanding before communicating these ideas to others.

Signs from 1:1s that you’re failing as a boss

• Cancellations This is a sign your partnership isn’t that meaningful, or that you’ve been using the meeting inappropriately.
• Updates Don’t waste this time letting people give updates that could be emailed to you.
• Good news only This is a sign people don’t feel comfortable coming to you with their problems or think you can’t help. Specifically ask for bad news.
• No criticism If they don’t criticize you, beware.
• No agenda If they keep forgetting to have an agenda, they may be overwhelmed, or may not understand the purpose of the meeting, or they may not think it’s useful at all. Be direct but polite when addressing this.

Staff Meetings

An effective staff meeting has three goals: it reviews how things have gone the previous week, allows people to share important updates, and forces the team to clarify the most important decisions and debates for the coming week. Here’s a sample agenda:

• Learn: review key metrics (twenty minutes)
  • What went well this week and why? What went badly?
• Listen: put updates in a shared document (fifteen minutes)
  • Keep everyone aware of what’s going on so they’re not blindsided and won’t do work someone else is already doing.
  • Study hall snippets: give 5-7 minutes at the beginning of the meeting for everyone to write down what they’re working on, then 5-7 minutes to pass it around. This will save you time in the long run.
• Clarify: identify key decisions and debates (thirty minutes)
  • Remember to separate big debate meetings and big decision meetings, and identify owners for each of these. Identify a group of people who have to be there, but ideally anyone who wants to attend them should be free to.

Think Time

Block some time on your calendar just to think every day, and don’t cancel this time for anything! If you don’t do this, the only time you will have to clarify your thinking is at home when you should be sleeping. Hold this blocked think time sacred and get really, seriously angry if anyone tries to schedule over it. Encourage your team to do the same.

“Big Debate” Meetings

Make it clear that you’re debating, not deciding! There are three purposes of these meetings:

1. They lower tension.
   • Self-organizing criticality: a lot of little corrections create stability but one huge correction creates catastrophe.
2. They allow you to slow down key decisions when appropriate.
3. They foster a larger culture of debate.

Ask your team to switch roles halfway through the debate, which makes sure people are listening to each other and trying to come up with the best solution.

Product of these meetings:

• Careful summary of the facts and issues that emerged
• Clearer definition of the choices going forward
• Recommendation to keep debating or to move on to a decision (NOT a recommendation for what the decision should be)

“Big Decision” Meetings

Make very clear to your team that the decisions of this meeting are FINAL, otherwise they’ll just keep appealing them and debating into perpetuity. Feel free to either attend the meeting or let the decider know you have veto power – use it VERY sparingly.

Product of this meeting:

• Careful summary of the meeting distributed to all relevant parties

All-Hands Meeting Now that a decision has been made by the relevant parties, it’s time to bring others along. These meetings have two parts:

1. Presentation
   1. To persuade people the company is making good decisions and headed in the right direction
   2. Focus on one or two initiatives
   3. These are given by the team working on the initiative, not the boss
2. Q&A
   1. This allows leaders to hear dissent and address it head-on. The answers to these questions are usually more persuasive than the presentations.
   2. This portion should be handled by the CEO/founders. There is a real power in explaining important decisions and encouraging dissent.

Execution Time (No Meeting Time)

Be absolutely ruthless about making sure your team has time to execute. Encourage them to block execution time just like they would block think time.

Kanban Boards

This is a great way to create a visible workflow so nothing falls through the cracks. It’s a board with three columns: To Do, In Progress, and Done. Then, buy a bunch of post-its and assign each person a color. They can then put their tasks and move them around on the board, which will help you see who is really driving results and who’s just along for the ride.

Walk Around.

Spend time with the people on your team simply by walking around and asking what they’re working on. This is a great way to connect with the whole company, not just your direct reports. You’re going to notice things you wouldn’t have otherwise noticed:

• They’ll help you find the devil in the details. You don’t want to be the last person to know when there’s an issue.
• Being aware of these problems allows you to roll up your sleeves and fix them, squashing the “that’s beneath me” mentality bosses often get.